He's Just Not That Into You

"Oh, honey, it's okay. The only reason that little boy [insert hurtful name or action here] is because he likes you." This is the most dangerous thing that parents say to little girls. They tell us the same thing over and over again throughout elementary school: little boys are mean to the little girls they like. This translates into serious heartbreak when we start dating. Instead of pulling your hair, kicking dirt in your face, taking your toys, etc., the "little mean boy" doesn't call, cheats on you, refuses to marry you, or leads you on in some other way. And we make excuses for the men who do this ("He's intimidated by your success"; "He just got out of a serious relationship"; "He's had alot of changes in his life recently" blah blah blah) because we've been told since preschool that if a guy is mean to you or acts like he doesn't care, it's because he really likes you. In truth, He's Just Not That Into You.
I watched the movie and have read part of the book. I fully intend on buying it and reading it every once in awhile to de-program myself. I've made excuses for men who haven't called or who haven't given me what I needed emotionally. "He's not ready for a serious relationship"; "He's in law school and that keeps him really busy"; "He's worked really hard today and is probably super-tired" The list goes on and on. I've let myself believe that guys who were just not that into me were interested and wasted time I could've spent with a guy who actually cared. When I saw the authors talking about their book on some TV show one day, I blew it off as some lame-ass self-help novel. But then, a few months ago, I read part of it and realized that what it says makes alot of sense and was horrified because I realized that if I had just read the book, I would've saved myself alot of wasted time. Then I saw the movie, it made the book seem even more real (I was once again horrified because I realized that, even after reading part of the book, I had broken some of its rules). So I decided to blog about what both the book and the movie boil down to: assume you are the rule. If you do this and realize that you are the exception, well, glory in this knowledge. But, more than likely, you are the rule. So here's the rule: if a guy doesn't call, if he cheats, if he does something else that shows he doesn't care or that he doesn't want to be a couple, it doesn't matter how much fun you had or what a great connection the two of you share, he's not into you and you need to move on. We women thrive on stories like, "Well, I know this girl: she had a date with this guy and he didn't call for almost 2 weeks and now they're married and couldn't be happier." Or, "My mom knows this woman: her boyfriend cheated on her and then he repented and now they're married with a baby on the way." We even have hope when we hear, "Well, my uncle knows this guy: he was happily married for 13 years and met this woman in the Mini-Mart. The next day he told my uncle that he knew that he had met the woman of his dreams. He left his first wife and now he and the woman from the Mini-Mart have been blissfully married for 22 years." Don't listen to these stories--they are the exceptions. Assume you are the rule--then, when the guy turns out to not be interested you won't be heart-broken and if he is, you can revel in the knowledge that you are an exception. So ladies, why don't we save ourselves unneeded heartbreak and wasted time and realize when he just doesn't care.